Okay Guys, Let’s Buff Up First

Non-Fungible Tokens for Yes-Functional Features

It’s airdrop season. Some tokens make it big; some go to oblivion. Most require sitting in Telegram for 7 hours while you Alt-Tab between AstroTools and /biz/ before you can finally fill out Google Form 6 of 14. Well, no more of that painfully slow turtle-stomping-through-peanut-butter-level bullshit. We’re AstroTools — you know, space and stuff that’s cool, fast, and techy.

So we’re rewarding loyal AstroTools users with an NFT airdrop!

Get to the Drop Zone

All users who hold at least 1,000 ASTRO between Thursday, October 1st, 2020, 22:00 ET and Wednesday, October 21st, 2020 22:00 ET will have a chance of receiving the following limited edition NFT:

“Pipe Cleaner” (limited to only 50 tokens) — Eliminate space-time warpers who try to out-trade you. Grants unlimited access to the 16-bit Membership Pass without requiring ASTRO tokens, plus no monthly fees for six months as we leap into the “Jumping Plumber” version release. After six months, holding this token will reduce any monthly fees by 50%.

We know the Beta Pass was a sweet deal that provided full access for a low price, but alas, we must move forward. Beta pass holders that upgraded to the full 16-bit plan (1,000 ASTRO) before October 1st (22:00 ET) and continue to hold through the Oct 1–21 window will have a chance to win a very special NFT:

“BFG-9001” (limited to only 10 tokens) — This ultra rare gorilla blaster will pew pew over 9000 counter-traders and send them to their bearish deaths, as we inevitably move to our final “Ass Kong” version release in the future. In other words, lifetime unlimited AstroTools access without monthly fees, ever, to anyone who possesses this ultra-rare collectible, rewarded to the most loyal of AstroTools members.

But wait — one more special thank you to all Beta Pass members. If you held at least 250 ASTRO tokens before our snapshot today (Wednesday, September 30th, 2020, 16:00 ET), then you’re guaranteed a limited edition NFT:

“Noob Cannon” (limited to the number of beta pass users at time of snapshot) — This in theory will improve your play with minimal effort. We’ll be honest though — we haven’t decided exactly what it does yet. At some point, we will activate this mystery item’s powerup.

Just a reminder, though — we don’t take kindly to cheaters who drop their tokens right after the first snapshot to then repurchase at the last minute, so random unannounced snapshots will occur during the holding window. If you don’t hold the required 16-bit pass (1000 ASTRO) at any time during the period, then no shiny baubles for you.

We’ll Eat Ramen Just For You

Now, let’s sweeten the deal. We have decided that we will NOT charge monthly fees until further notice. While we’d love to compensate our unpaid intern and imprisoned developers, for now, they’ll need to survive on the crates of ramen we stockpiled through crypto winter.

We’re actually ahead of schedule. We’ve already commenced mobile optimization and Binance Smart Chain support, which unofficially puts us out of beta phase, but not quite all the way to RC1 “Pac Dude” which is officially coming in October. So with this extended no-monthly-fees period, we want you to continue using our platform as much as possible as we know you’ll inevitably stick with it for all your Uniswap and DeFi degeneracy. Lots of additional features will continue to roll out regularly, so start saving your cash, there’s only so much ramen a dev team can take.