The Dev Dungeon of Paku-Paku Taberu, Puck-Man

Every part of our lives here at AstroTools is measured in bits. We aim to iterate quickly, by dressing up our lead dev in a Zelda costume and hiding him away in a dungeon behind a cardboard cut-out of Gannon. It seems to work; there have been no complaints. The strat has delivered a steady stream of small yet trendsetting features every few days, glittering our path to RC1 “Pac-Dude” with treasures. Every once in a while though, we free the princess and allow him to spend some time investing in $LINK. However this time, the reunion didn’t last long. My guess? He longed $LINK last he was let out, but our intern saved his ass and went short as he left to be put back into the dungeon. So embarrassed, he now won’t even come out when we play “The Dev Went Down to Georgia” on the ocarina. We’d like to believe this release is the culmination of him slaving away in the dungeon since, but we have a hunch this release is the work of the intern as well.

It’s a Secret to Everybody

Hey! Listen!

Dodongo Dislikes Smoke

Face it, it’s a pain in the ass to look up your transactions unless you’re an Etherscan Wizard and simply know what the hell you’re doing. This is especially true when you need to know NOW, and are stuck in a Uniswap tab, sweating out if you should hit swap or not.

MAH BOI

For the next 48hrs, holders of =>4000 CHART will get complete access to AstroTool’s 16-bit tier!

But wait, there’s more! Act now and receive not one MAH BOI, but two MAH BOI! While there are no monthly fees yet (we’ll get to that Gloom in a bit — pun intended), there is another strategic relationship we’re just dying to introduce you to.

GLOOM

This is it, the experiment is over. The results are as expected — we have a lot of degens enjoying AstroTools. You’re ready. So it’s time to get kicked from beta pass bootcamp and sent out into the real world to discover 16-bit Space Anomalies. Should you choose to accept this mission, and you really don’t have a choice, you’ll need to pay for a ticket at full price. We’ve done our best to ensure the intergalactic travel to Phobos and Deimos isn’t too expensive, so we’ve subsidized your travel to only need 1000 ASTRO tokens. And really, all you gotta do is damn well hold onto your ticket the entire time. When you board the battle bus don’t listen to Gary, fek gary; he’s crotchety and mean, and his voice sucks. Keep your ticket and find a seat…

GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE

So ya, we know, fees… but legit businesses need to cover their operating expenses, and we definitely do not want to rely on dumping dev/team tokens to sustain operations. Thus we have some ideas on how to make this work for you, us, and that guy called Frank who keeps the electricity rolling. When we do eventually implement monthly fees, we plan to have a couple of ways for our Space Cowboys to become fully-fledged Gloom Slayers, owning a Big Fecking Token to bypass Gary’s sniveling collections-voice. Hence, we’ll snapshot our top holders, and a handful of randos, on September 30th, and if our dev allows it, reward them with the BFT airdrop they deserve. Or we’ll just ask the intern.

Astrotools is a DeFi dashboard that bridges the information gap between centralized and decentralized exchanges.

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